I Miss You
by raven2547
Summary: my take on Harry's thoughts of Sirius falling through the veil. R&R please, im doubting my self-worth


**Ok, first harry potter fanfic so be nice please! I would like to request some reviews, even if they are mean…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything of JK Rowling's creations**

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Sirius…

You left me.

All alone, to face the future, to face Voldemort

Alone.

No one else is here! No one else understands! Why did you leave me! You did it on purpose!

I'm alone now, nobody's problem anymore, you were the last one, the only one I had, Sirius.

The closest I could get to a parent. And then you were gone.

I had you for two years, and apparently, that's all fate would like to grant me in the semblance to happiness, and you were taken—no. You walked out of my life, fell through that veil, and looked at me.

And I remember the look you gave me, as you fell through the archway that led to your death.

…Was it, mournful? Shameful? Woeful? Were you sorry? Was that an apology, from the one person who I relied on to be my constant figure of authority.

That's it, isn't it?

You knew I would do anything for you, and you couldn't take the pressure.

Did it happen too fast, Black? Did I come at you with no warning at all?

No! You came looking for me in that bloody castle! Ready to slay the rat responsible for the death of your best friends, and your wrongful imprisonment.

You asked me if I would like to live with you after it was all over. I would have been so happy to live with you, but again, fate decides that's too much to ask.

And the most sorry excuse of a man I've ever seen escaped, that stupid, stupid werewolf!

A little peace in this miserable lump I call life shows itself, and a seed of hope blossoms into… what exactly? That's right, I remember now. It **was** fern, and then the damn beast decided to show itself, and my beautiful flower, with its bright colors and slightly wilted frame, turned before my eyes, into a shriveled old hunk of dead leaves and a husk of previous life.

This game we play, they call it life. I laugh at them, life is supposed to be filled with **both **ups and downs, not eleven years of down, then three more with about four or five highlights—Ron and Hermione taking up a grand total of two—thrown into the mix; then, to cap it all off I get thrown into the madhouse of a tournament, not of my choice, oh no, it's never my choice.

I will never have peace and quiet.

I will never be happy.

My parents left, and now you've up and left me too, what's more, to be with the traitors themselves!

I shouldn't be angry…

But I'm entitled!

My parents are dead, I am being hunted down by the followers of Lord Voldemort, and the ghastly thing himself, I'm constantly surrounded on all sides by a newspaper reporter with a camera and a bewitched quill to take down everything I say, and even things I don't, and to cap it all down in the nasty bottle of vinegar and salt, I just lost the one person who I loved, who loved me back, who would never do anything to hurt me--intentionally or unintentionally, because he thought about me— and would do anything and everything to ensure I was safe and happy.

I have no other purpose than to attract trouble, kill innocent people, and be this pathetic world's savior.

You'd think they would like to rely on anyone **but** a fifteen year old, but no, of course not, they need to be weirder than the muggles, and it's actually not as easy as it sounds, they are quite alike really.

Both the muggles and magic folk have no problem re-electing a no good, power sucking, soul selling, arsehole in a green blazer, who does nothing but suck their funds, lie to them, and screw them over to the enemy for no reason whatsoever.

I miss you.

So much.

Nobody can understand how hard this is—no one really can, especially not the ones who have lost someone.

They especially, because, did they ever grow up without someone loving them? Did they ever lie on their cot at night and wish someone would hug them on their birthday, or give them a smile when they come home from school?

Did they wish, and wish, and wish, with all of their strength, that they could have someone help them with homework, not beat them if they did it better than someone else, and tell him to go to bed rather than clean the oven…

Did they have the answer to their wish, walk into their life, say hello, love them, and then topple back out in a heap?

NO

No, they did not.

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**So i noticed that in the movie -- yes i do read the books, im not a blasphemer (is that a word???)-- when Serius falls through the veil, i automatically associate harry's face with that of a child's. It looks so broken and lost, i just love it, its awesome, Daniel captured it wonderfully. Review please!**


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